Endings and beginnings

I know I am late..  I just wanted to post what I wrote on March 4th…

My heart has been so full for the past few days.  I have been thinking about what to say to everyone at my wedding and can’t even think about it without tears.  So…  here goes.  I know everyone will hear it tomorrow but I want my kids to read it in 20 years from now.

The last 7 years have been an incredible journey for me.  A journey that only really my girls have taken with me.  It is an incredible story full of tender moments and blessings.  A story with some turbulence but turbulence that always blew in a better, more promising direction.

My time as a single parent was very empowering and scary.  I learned that I can really do just about anything.  And those things I couldn’t do there was never a lack of help.  I learned that a family could be just a mom and two sweet little girls.  It as very difficult for me to understand that in the beginning but as I embraced the idea I loved and looked forward to time with my little family.  I learned that our family can go out to dinner, go shopping, go on vacation and laugh just like any other family.  But more importantly I learned we could go to church, pray, read scriptures and grow in the gospel together.  I learned that even without the Priesthood in our home we were entitled to every blessing in every other home.  I learned that although I was the only adult in my home I could still serve others and provide for my kids in a gainful way.

I learned that my ward family would become more important to me that I had ever dreamed.  That  my home teacher mowing my lawn and neighbors plowing my driveway would indeed by a huge blessing.  I learned that my Bishop still believed in me and entrusted me with callings.  That I still deserved the blessings of the temple.  I learned that my Wellsville friends would become so dear to me because they helped me raise my kids.  They drove extra car pools, tended my kids weekly and truly loved them like they were their own.

I learned I could still read in my kids classrooms once a week, attend every assembly and be the head room mom.  I learned I could still get all their home work done, run to soccer, violin, dancing, jump rope and whatever else the girls were involved in.

I learned that my friends could provide comic relief in a way I had never guessed.  That I could still be happy and laugh just like everyone living  a “regular” life.  I learned that my friends knew just the right time to call, when to go for a walk, when to show up with treats of a Diet Coke.  I learned that even though it may have been since high school that we talked every day we love each other just as much.

I learned that my cousins and aunt and uncles prayed for me.  That they were willing to tend toddlers while I worked.  I learned that they acted excited when we attended their sporting events and allowed myself and my girls to be a part of their lives.

I learned that my grandpa even though he could not see he could shuffle out to his shop and make me an incredible rod iron photo holder just because he knew I would love it.  That my grandma would still give my kids  a “bar” ever time we went to visit and she prayed for me every night. 

I learned that my brothers  and brothers in law would do anything for me.  They would pick up my car whenever and wherever.  That they would put together my swing set in the pouring rain.I learned that my brothers and brothers in law could lay their hands on my children’s head and give them the blessings of the Priesthood.  I learned there will willing to give extra 4 wheeler rides, invites to movies and tend just so I could go out with my sisters.

I learned that my sisters in law loved to serve my kids.  That they were willing to help with my kids even as they tried to teach dance or work part time. 

I learned my sisters would become my biggest source of support.  Whether that meant a late night phone call, tending my kids, a shopping trip or just making me laugh.  I learned how to “look up” to my younger sisters and rely on them for every type of support.

In the last 6 years I have increased my love affair with my nieces and nephews.  After endless sleep over's, ski days, chocolate bars, late night TV shows and conversations I feel like I am blessed with the best children in the world.

I learned my mom was the laundry fairy, the home cleaner and the grocery guru.  I learned that diapers appeared out of nowhere as I would come home and there would be a case on my bar.  I learned that she was willing to spend countless hours with my kids and support them in every way possible.  I learned that I could call at midnight or noon and still receive endless support.

I learned my dad would fix my car, fix my sprinklers and relieve me of endless worry with his “I will take care of it” statement. I can’t count how many times I heard that.   I learned my dad could baptize and bless my daughters and provide the Priesthood power they needed.  That he could love me and my kids in a way that nobody else can.

I learned my daughters were strong, unbelievably strong.  That they learned to work hard and study hard.  That they kept me on the right track.  I learned they were forgiving as I would often lose my temper or feel as if I fell short.  I learned to love their feet on my head at night when we had a “sleep over” I learned to love the feeling of endlessly loosing myself as I served them.

Nearly 4 years ago I learned it was possible to love again.  Jeff showed  me patience, forgiveness and unconditional love. I learned that what drives Jeff is his family.  I learned to truly value his work ethic and view it as a sense of security.  I learned to laugh in private and public  with Jeff.  I learned I was special and deserved someone as incredible as him.  I learned how to truly love 3 other children.  I learned how to worry about them when they were away, lecture them (sorry) and serve them.  I learned it is no easy task to be the mother of 5 and a duty in which I often fall short.   I learned that I could fall in love with Jeff's friends.  That I could laugh, dance, eat, and truly be myself with some incredible people.  I learned that Jeff’s brother and sisters would become an incredible part of my life.  That I could shop, laugh and travel with some of my favorite people in the world.  I learned where Jeff got his sense of humor and that his mom could make mom laugh just as hard as he does.

Today, I learned that our Heavenly Father’s path for us is not always exactly what we had planned when we were 15 but that the turbulence will blow us to a better life full of wonderful hope and blessings.  I am truly grateful for all of you here and each of you has supported me in a special way and a way that I will remember always.  I know I am better, more gracious person because of the past 7 years.  I know that I appreciate and love more.  I have been blessed with 5 wonderful children and one wonderful husband.  Thank you all for coming.